Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
