Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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