hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
