so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
