I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
