hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
