awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
