i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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