captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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