Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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