smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
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