The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
