Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Panties = found
Randomize
