wanna go halves on a baby?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
