spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
