i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I did not marry a roomba.
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