did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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