at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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