There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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