Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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