how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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