They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Two words: nipple clamps
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