And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
