would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
