Joe is yelling at the trees again.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
