she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
