dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Randomize
