I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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