Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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