dude i'm inner monologue high
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
