so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
