yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
They are going to name an STD after you.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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