I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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