yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
