she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
