It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
