He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
