never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
