what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
