I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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