I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
