lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
