And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
