the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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