yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
