I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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