all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
