Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You are the jesus of drinking
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
