i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My hand turned me down
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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