Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
