I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
