How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
