Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
