just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
