She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
