gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
