Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
