My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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