can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
