I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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