To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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