And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
