That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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