you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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