I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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