im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
