Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
