May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
