My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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