She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
