I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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