When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
