Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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