Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You took a bar mat shot.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Drake has all the answers
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
