is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
