My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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