So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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