Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
