Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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