I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
