So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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