ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
