After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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